Monster Mondays – The Thing (2011) Awesome beasts

Monster Monday

The Thing (2011)

John Carpenter’s 1982 ‘The Thing’ was an eye-popping mix of tension and gory special effects which were mind blowing at the time, and are still effectively shocking today. So when word of the remake or prequel started to come through, it seemed ridiculous, nothing could top it.

And now this remake (or, ok, officially a prequel) has been out for a couple of years, and I still haven’t watched the whole movie, let’s just make that clear now. However, I have peeked at the shiny innards of the film, having grown curious about the way they treated the iconic, shapeshifting alien which so troubled Kurt Russell and Keith David back in 1982.

And you know what? I was pleasantly blown away by the new movie’s monstrous effects. I was expecting much ropier CGI than this, and they’ve brought us a beautifully horrendous and importantly a very SOLID looking monster. Im only going by a youtube copy here, so can’t say for absolutely certain that it’s flawless. But neither is it a SyFy channel lame duck, there’s no unconvincing SharktaPus rubbish for this remake. The new Thing has some quality nasty going on. And arms…with teeth,,,and merging with your face and…and….dissolving and spearing and…owch. Wow.

I really didn’t think it would be any good, but this is pretty twisted. Yes, the Dead Space movie could get made, and if we’re lucky it’d look half as good as this.

The video below contains spoilers, but if like me you don’t want to tarnish the memory of the original film (which, yes, I am well aware was ALSO a remake of a quality black and white ‘man in a rubber suit’ extravaganza from RKO in the 1950s) then this is an excellent way to taste of the meat of the latest version. Weirdly, it’s now a lot likelier I will look at this once it pops up on Netflix, or becomes very, very cheap on blu ray. Or if I win it in a raffle…

Although it could be argued that this gives away all the good bits, if the remake is any good at all it should survive that. In the mid-1990s, Lenny Henry ruined the surprise of the SFX in the 1982 The Thing. I foolishly watched a documentary he presented about monsters in movies, shortly before ITV network (UK) was broadcasting the whole ‘Thing’ movie. Still loved it to pieces.

So if my appreciation of the 1982 movie remains unaffected by seeing all the goodies ahead of any narrative, maybe the prequel isn’t going to be so bad after all. Let’s remember that high tension and relatable characters made the Carpenter version vastly rewatchable. Perhaps this new attempt has nailed it as well. Perhaps.

Generally, though, a prequel is stuck in its own dead end of time, doomed to copycat whatever enthralled viewers of the originals, whilst charging boldly through the motions like a soulless running zombie. What happened to the Norwegian team, who the US research team tried to help, was already quite evident during the scenes when Macready checks out what remained of their camp. I keep calling the prequel a remake because John Carpenter pretty much nailed the interesting part of that story, and all its lovely Lovecraftian elements as well. Frankly, the prequel looks like more of a ‘look what we can do now’, which is fine, but not necessarily as intriguing. Of course that could be age talking, too…

What would be interesting to see is an actual sequel to the John Carpenter movie, with Macready and Childs stopping the Thing in another setting. Or at least something that moves the story along, or tries it from a fresh angle. The logical progression would be to move it to the desert. Right? A ‘Thinged’ camel would be pretty awesome….it already looks like a camel spider. Gulp.

On a final (heavhanded?) note, the Thing monster is endlessly transforming and adapting to survive its new environment, and the blockbuster industry could definitely learn a thing or two from that.

Lovecraft Week! Video: Lovecraft’s Pillow

And finally….we end the Haunted Eyeball’s Lovecraft Week with a look at a fantastic short film inspired and part written by Stephen King, and directed by Mark Steensland (who also made the terrifying Peekers).

It’s the kind of situation that every aspiring writer could have to face, and hopefully empathise with (OK, part from the actual pillow thing). Don’t be fooled by its low-key approach, this is a great short about the boundaries between reality, madness, and beating the crap out of writer’s block. There’s also a bit of a ‘magic beans’ aspect to it all.

***

While the unfortunate wife probably doesn’t deserve to suffer this fate, this is really an exercise in writerly wish fulfilment! This guy isn’t quite starting with a Stephen King career, you get the sense he’s on his path to success. Just wait until he starts self-publishing…

More info about this short film can be found over here, on IMDB.

The rest of Lovecraft Week on the Haunted Eyeball

Short stories: Two Bite sized Lovecraftian stories by James Pratt

Graphic Novels: “Howard Lovecraft and the….” by Bruce Brown

Anthology: Future Lovecraft by Innsmouth Press

TV: The Real Ghostbusters ‘Collect Call of Cthulhu’

Also check out:

Short horror film: Peekers

Review: Just After Sunset by Stephen King

Review: Innsmouth Press Magazine Issue 8

Graphic novel: You Know, for Squids?

Lovecraft Week: Real Ghostbusters ‘The Collect Call of Cathulhu’

People who love horror often started their fascination early on. For instance, if you grew up in the 1980s, it seemed you could scarcely move for cartoon monsters, demons and Dungeons and Dragons. Even My Little Pony had a particularly nasty beast at one point. But the The Real Ghostbusters in particular stand out from its animated peers. Spawned from the phenomenal success of Ghostbusters (1984), the early seasons of The Real Ghostbusters were created with the full blessing and influence of Dan Akroyd and co. It also had some very decent writers, most notably J Michael Straczynski. Upon revisiting, some twenty-plus years later, The Real Ghosbusters remains streets ahead of many similar shows at the time, especially in terms of unusual storytelling and enjoyably snarky adult characters.

Although the animation isn’t as lush or fluid when compared to modern cartoonage, it’s extremely well produced and the sheer inventiveness of the ghosts, and the cynical banter between the Ghostbusters themselves, are a real joy. The lesson here is that cynicism doesn’t age! No part of pop culture or ancient history, was out of bounds and it drew from anything and everything, ranging from Citizen Kane to Norse Mythology, and of course, good old Howard Phillips Lovecraft.

Which explains the episode ‘The Collect Call of Cathulhu’. Punning on Lovecraft’s famous Call of Cthulhu story, and written by Michael Reaves, we can assume that the misspelling of ‘Cthulhu’ in in this title is so the kids watching won’t be confused about how it’s pronounced. Equally, it could have been done to piss off rabid H P Lovecraft fans. Your call, Eyeballers.

Of course, the episode’s plot is just a little hokey – some mook from the Miskatonic University opts to display the notorious Necronomicon at the New York Public Library (did the Ghostbusters ever dispatch their first ghostly encounter there?) Of course the tome gets stolen, our guys are called in to find it, and the Ghostbusters soon face off against some aggressive and fast-regenerating Cathulhu(sic) Spawn underground. This sewer attack is actually played pretty straight, the guys look absolutely terrified (and they’re hardened ghost fighters after all!) so the Cthulhu/Cathulhu awakening is really a pretty big deal. It could even be considered pretty dark.

However, including overt references to the Cthulhu Mythos (mainly from the August Derleth perspective, it seems) in a show ostensibly aimed at kids really isn’t so surprising. Let’s not forget that the first Ghostbusters movie is effectively a Lovecraftian movie all on its own. The live-action Ghostbusters battled Gozer the Gozerian, the Destructor, ender of reality and turner of innocent apartment dwellers into giant monstrous ‘dogs’. Oh, and several makers of the original Ghostbusters film also worked on Heavy Metal, an animated film not without its own blatant Chthulhu references (and a few more nekkid boobs, too)!

Including Cathulhu/Cthulhu in the plot here just seems like a natural step. It’s not taken too lightly, either, even though there are some priceless lines such as “Anything that looks like Godzilla wearing an octopus hat shouldn’t be hard to find.” – Pete Venkman.
To emphasise just how serious the threat of Cathulhu’s return actually is, Egon points out that Gozer is “Little Mary Sunshine” in comparison. Yikes. (Think how big that Twinkie must be!) This neatly provides viewers who’ve never heard of Cathulhu/Cthulhu (for instance, all the under-fives in the audience at the time of broadcast!) with a sense of the scale of a ‘dreaming’ god that could kick Gozer’s ectoplasmic rear back across infinity. Again, yikes.

So, how do the Real Ghostbusters cope with battling the greatest threat to humanity to world has ever known? Check out the video of the episode just below to find out:

For sheer fan service, The Collect Call of Cathulhu is an outstanding episode. From Pete Venkman lusting over Ms Derleth, then battling ‘Cathulhu’ with a proton pack from a moving rollercoaster, to Egon basically saying ‘we’re screwed’, and Ray’s love of Weird Science magazines helping them to win in the final showdown, frankly it’s all over a bit too fast.

Points if you spot the blatant Scooby-Do ending, too. Also, South Park also seem to have been influenced by this episode’s approach to the Mythos in their recent episodes. It can’t be a total coincidence that Cartman meets his own Cthulhu while he’s on a rollercoaster, can it?

Coming up tomorrow – Innsmouth Press presents Future Lovecraft stories

Coming up on Thursday – H P Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom by Bruce Brown

Don’t miss:

Lovecraft week, day one – James Pratt’s bite-sized Lovecraftian horror stories reviewed 

Also of interest

You know, for Squids!

Innsmouth Magazine Issue 8 reviewed

DRIP (1996) Short film. Dir. Steven Gomez

Yes, another short horror film from youtube,  only this time I’ve sought it out deliberately. It took a bit of finding, too. I can remember catching this on a very late night Channel 4 screening, according to imdb it was in 1996. Jeez, quite a while back then.

Anyway, the story itself should be familiar to anyone who’s been told scary stories by sadistic older kids growing up, or who takes even a passing interest in urban legends. The YouTube video of this which I’ve posted below is a bit grainy but otherwise not bad.

I ask you to give it a chance, in a dark room fairly late at night, and see what you think. I found a large but not full screen version the best way of viewing this.

SPOILERS AND ANALYSIS

I remember ‘Drip’ being a lot scarier, actually, proving that those who watch things through their fingers are actually sparing themselves less scary dodgy animatronics and effectively making films more terrifying than they really are. But the atmosphere of isolation, the rising dread in the creaking house and the gliding, stalking camera that tracks the ‘lonely woman’ work beautifully. With just two – or perhaps three characters – this is a great short horror film.

It really isn’t one for dog lovers – I feel even worse about the Fly’s fate than I did the first time I watched it, he’s such a sweetheart; but to warn anyone of this before viewing is just spoiling the scare. It is a horror, and pets are usually first in the murder line. I also think most people will already know this story. It’s a very well known urban legend, albeit with a very supernatural pay-off, frankly it’s is up there with ‘hook man’ and ‘Bloody Mary’. It was even subtly referenced in an episode of Supernatural. It’s part of the reason I remembered this short film so clearly.

While I was looking for this piece of nostalgic horror, I noticed several hundred other versions of the ‘Drip’ story just searching on YouTube alone. The story evolves all the time, from when it’s being told around the campfire or by an evil older sibling. The version I’ve heard is the other most common one, with the creature under the bed the requisite escaped lunatic, and sometimes the lady is infirm, very elderly or completely blind. While this was a more down to earth, more scarily possible version of the story, I like the way that in Drip (2006) the thing is a demon of some sort which she has somehow disturbed.  Now, the problem with the reveal of a demon, rather than a creepy man, under the bed is mainly that I’m a bit surprised the demon didn’t simply nip her fingers off while she was patting it for reassurance. Is it just messing with her? Was it using the dripping noise deliberately, to lure her upstairs? That suggests a level of central plumbing knowledge that demons may or may not possess, whether they’re fictional or not. Given how the poor dog ends up, I’m going with the monster ‘messing with her’.

The strength of true horror, and the urban legends in particular, rests in being unaware of how close you are to something evil until its proximity is revealed. The scary thing about ‘Drip’ is the realisation that she (standing in for us, the viewer) has touched the horror, put herself in danger. That the threat has been barely avoided, but is still lurking somewhere in the house, hiding under the very bed she/you were just sleeping in. And you put your hands on it!

As a final note:

The story ends at its most terrifying point, and leaves me curious about what happens next. Does she run out of the house screaming, driving off? Would she make it as far as the door before it came after her? Is that even what it wants? Is it just under the bed because the previous owners kept it as a pet to keep out burglars? What is it? I honestly remember a more terrifying face under the bed than the one here, but realistically I still wouldn’t want to run into it in the dark, on my own, in a house when I’d just found the eviscerated remains of my pet dog. Nope, pretty much anything is a best-case scenario compared to that.

That’s why Steven Gomez’s ‘Drip’ is a terrific retelling of an urban legend which refuses to die.

The Stone Tape – 1972 (Dir Peter Sasdy) TV movie

Wonders of YouTube

The Stone Tape (1972)

It must be because I’m reaching thirty this year. I’ve felt a real urge to revisit the films and TV shows which I watched when I was a kid. Now of course, there’s a service called YouTube which allows me to fully indulge. You may have heard of it.

It’s been eye opening. Some are still worth watching their entirety, although I soon found that even more are not. Some i might even buy now but the greatest thing about YouTube’s existence is getting to see shows and films that are now mostly deleted or impossible to purchase. Some can now only be found for truly extortionate prices. The unsettling 1972 classic, ‘Stone Tape’ is one of these. I’d heard about it over the years, and I recently tried to find it at the usual places online, but the amount it costs to get hold of it is ridiculous, almost £60 for a second hand DVD copy. So, I confess, I YouTubed, and watched all eleven sections of The Stone Tape in one sitting. I’ve concluded that it definitely would not have been worth spending £60 on, but I would more than happily have paid around £15 for the whole thing (not least because it’s far easier to get screen grabs from a DVD!)

So here’s my reaction to the Stone Tape experience:

SPOILERS

Even the name ‘Stone Tape’ conjures an uneasy conflict between the cold, heavy, solid and ancient stone and a device we consider exclusively modern. Essentially, this is exactly what happens. Ancient menace and modern arrogance, albeit from 1972, end up clashing in a disturbingly delivered way.

Ryan Electronics have recently set up offices and labs in a Victorian stately home called ‘Taskerlands’. Most of its interior has been converted into offices, but one room has been left looking very spooky with bare stone walls and an exposed stone staircase that would have ‘elf & safety’ up in arms. It’s immediately apparent that something odd is lurking in the room, and the builders won’t go in there either. If sci-fi and horror has taught us anything, it’s that all builders and locals have a sixth sense for these kinds of things. Ignore at your peril!

Right away we meet Jill Greely (Jane Asher). She’s a programmer, new to the Ryan team and very sensitive to the strange phenomena that begin almost immediately. In the first few moments of the programme, after the superbly eerie opening sequence, she’s nearly crushed between two huge Ryan Electronics lorries and she only escapes following what may have been a premonition.

Once Jill is inside the room for the first time she hears running footsteps and then the awful sound of a woman screaming in terror. It’s a truly awful noise, upsetting even today by its absolute fear. Then she sees the ghostly figure of a maid screaming at the top of the exposed staircase, and then falling to her death. Jill is very upset but determined to understand the mystery. It soon becomes clear that the stone of the walls themselves have captured this awful event and will replay it forever to those sensitive enough to see and hear it, making a sort of prehistoric recording experience. However, her boss, Peter Brock (Michael Bryant) sees an even greater opportunity – he’s keen to exploit this unconventionally taped image in order to beat the inevitable Japanese domination of world electronics. As you do. He sets about capturing the experience electronically with passionate conviction, and I loved the intricate dialogue as the team worked together and alternated between taking the piss and being scared out of their wits.

As the research team work frantically to get results, it gradually dawns on Brock that the recording come from inside your head and only affects certain people – one team member isn’t affected at all and I can only assume he watched everyone else’s reaction to it with real bafflement. After a harrowing night spent desperately trying to achieve this, listening to the woman’s endlessly repeated screaming, Brock is horrified to learn that the team has actually managed to wipe the ‘recording’ altogether. This completely screws up his dreams of corporate success and gets the research team replaced by his rival’s far more banal washing machine project. There’s an element of the ridiculous as baskets of dirty washing are taken from the sleek Ryan Electronics lorries and up into the grand house, past the now defunct stone tape researchers. But Jill remains obsessed by the stone tape and works hard on her own research, programming day and night until she comes up with a much more terrifying discovery.

There was something far older lurking just underneath the first recording.

She goes back to the room and the monstrous force that attacked the poor maid comes after her, too, portrayed as two eerie red lights that could be eyes, and a dreadful roaring noise that drives her up the same stairs. The maid’s fate is now hers, and her voice is also locked onto the stone tape as the evil comes full circle. Brock makes this horrifying realisation and appears to go mad himself, howling in despair as Jill’s echo screams for help using his name over and over.

This is a brilliantly creepy story, conducted with a great deal of style and decent production values. The great quality of the banter between the characters didn’t hurt either and it seems that cynicism is truly timeless (see also Casablanca and the original Thing movie!) and although the story arc relies on a certain amount of clichéd ‘female intuition’ and curiosity it certainly never reaches Dark Place levels of patronisation. Jill’s driven hunt to uncover the truth actually makes her very interesting, and her empathy for the maid is a sharp and much-needed contrast to the singe-minded, commercial exploitation that the rest of the scientists have in mind. At one point Jill truly hopes that the maid isn’t actually ‘there’, that she’s free despite the recording (meaning her soul and consciousness), and in the end we can only pray that Jill is also released, and not condemned to exist in those last moments of terror for evermore. Given how malevolent the force that killed her was, it’s hard to be very optimistic.

I certainly hope that The Stone Tape gets broadcast again at some point, hopefully at Christmas, like the first time it appeared! It was written by the late Nigel Kneale, who was also responsible for the Quatermass stories and appears to have refused to write for a whole host of important programmes and films (according to Wikipedia), to the extent that it’s hard to see what he actually did, apart from ITV’s Sharpe, following the Stone Tape. By all accounts he perfectly nailed the ‘supernatural meets sci fi’ setup, and the concept has had a lasting effect on everyone from John Carpenter to League of Gentleman’s Mark Gatiss. By all accounts, he was also very hard to impress. He had every right to be difficult to please considering the high quality on display here. What he’d make of the current Doctor Who, not to mention most of the SyFy channel’s product, doesn’t bear thinking about!

If you have even a little concentration span left, the Stone Tape is a true gem and worth seeking out. Just to help you, here is part one (of eleven) below: